Precious Vows Ceremonies
  • Precious Vows Ceremonies
  • Brides Chamber Login
    • The Groom's Blog
    • Share Your Review
  • How It Works
    • Select Your Guest List
    • Request A Chat To Check Date Availability
    • Reservation Form
    • Meet Our Happy Couples
    • Officiant Services >
      • Wedding Officiants Blog
      • Meet the Wedding Ministers by Appointment
  • Wedding Options
    • Where to Elope >
      • Affordable Wedding Venues
      • Small Wedding Venues
      • Weekend Elopement Getaways
      • Hassle Free Elopements & Small Weddings >
        • Current Wedding Specials
      • Open Prairie Barn Weddings
  • Wichita Wedding Blog
    • Wedding Wisdom Blog
    • Prepare for Marriage Blog
  • Family Values Blog
    • Blended Family Marriage Blog
    • Blended Family Weddings
    • Helpful Family Resources
  • God's Armor Protecting Your Marriage
    • Worship - Bible Studies >
      • Covid Concerns

Wichita Wedding Blog 

Wichita Kansas Wedding Blog

Real Love vs. Infatuation.

8/8/2014

 
Picture

Real Love vs Infatuation
By Guest Contributor Sheryl Paul,
Source
Important Questions, Relationships

If you’ve grown up in Western culture, you’ve been inundated from the time you were born with images and beliefs about love. Most, if not all, of these images are predicated on the archaic paradigm of romantic love. Romantic love is not real love. Romantic love is, most simply put, infatuation. It’s based on the model of longing for someone that you can never completely have, and it’s this longing that then becomes mistaken for real love. Being in a state of longing is a dramatic and fully alive experience. It creates butterflies in your belly and light-headedness in your mind. If not understood properly, the one in the longing position can easily believe that she or he is “in love.”

If the object of the longing, often called “the beloved”, does reciprocate, “the lover” often runs the other way. And so begins an all-too familiar game of chase with each participant alternating between the pursuer or distancer roles. The game is emotionally intense but ultimately unsatisfying. The bottom line is that real intimacy never occurs. It’s dramatic but safe. It’s temporarily painful but there’s no long-term risk involved. And it certainly isn’t a healthy model on which to base a marriage!

Real love, on the other hand, requires that both people show up for each other in the same place at the same time. There is no game-playing, which creates more consistent stability in terms of the intensity of emotion; gone are the ecstatic highs and despairing lows that defined the unhealthy relationships of the past. As such, real love requires that both people risk their hearts to form a bond of true intimacy.

One of my clients recently asked me to define real love. So here is my list of the beliefs, attributes, and precepts that define real love (with the caveat that I’m not sure that anyone understands love in its totality!):

1. Real love is a conscious choice that often employs the rational part of our brains. Some couples have a “free ride” in the early stages of their relationship where they experience the intense feelings characterized by romantic love, but not everyone. And these feelings certainly aren’t necessary for real love to emerge as the relationship grows, as evidenced by the success rate of arranged marriages in other parts of the world. It’s when the infatuation feelings diminish that the couple has to learn that love is a choice, not a feeling, as M. Scott Peck says in “The Road Less Traveled.”

2. Real love accepts that your partner is a fallible, imperfect human, just as you are. Unlike romantic life, which ascends the object of desire to the realm of a god, part of the jolt down to earth that many of clients experience during their engagement is the realization that their partner is not perfect – that he isn’t as smart or witty or fun or good-looking as she thought the person she would marry would be. The romantic bubble of marrying Prince Charming is burst. Most of my clients focus on one missing area – sometimes to the point of obsession – and it’s often an attribute that never bothered her before they were engaged. As time passes, the real fears are addressed, and love is redefined, the obsession mellows and she learns to accept and fully love her partner exactly as he is.

3. Real love ebbs and flows in terms of interest, ease, and feelings. In other words, in any healthy relationship there will be times when things effortlessly work, where the spark is alive and the couple is interested in one another and life. And there will be times of, for lack of a better word, boredom. Part of accepting real love is understanding that the boredom is normal and not a symptom that something is wrong with the relationship or that you don’t love your partner enough.

4. Real love is based on shared values and a solid friendship. You genuinely like each other (even though you might not like everything about your partner).

5. Real love is action. Real love asks that you give even when you don’t feel like giving (in a healthy way, not a codependent way). Real love is more concerned with how you can give to your partner than what you can get from him or her.

6. Real love is a spiritual practice in that your focus is not how you can change your partner to alleviate your anger, pain, or annoyance but how you can assume full responsibility for those feelings and find healthy and constructive ways to attend to them. When you change in positive ways, the relationship will positively change as well. Real love is a lifelong practice. You’re not expected to know how to give and receive real love at the onset of marriage, but are expected to work at it so that over the course of your life together your capacity to love grows.

So the next time you watch a romantic comedy and find yourself doubting if you love your wonderful, supportive, honest, loving partner enough, read over this list and see if your anxiety finds containment as you redefine what love really is.


Picture

Comments are closed.

    RSS Feed

    Picture
    Where To Elope

    Prepare for Marriage

    Picture

    Truths About Weddings You Won’t Read In Etiquette Books


    Family Values
    Talking Points Before You Marry

    Picture
    Family Values Blog

    Picture
    Blended Family Blog

    Picture

    The Armor of God Protecting Your Marriage 


    Blog Roll

    Wedding Wisdom Blog
    Prepare for Marriage Blog
    Wedding Officiant's Blog

      Wichita Wedding Blog

    All
    Affordable Elopements
    Affordable Fall Weddings
    Affordable Small Wedding Ideas
    Affordable Small Weddings
    Affordable Wedding Ideas
    Altar Designs Outdoors
    Autumn Elopements
    Backyard Weddings
    Ban Weddings
    Barn Elopements
    Barn Weddings
    Beautiful Budget Weddings Under $500 In Wichita Kansas
    Beautiful Park Wedding Venues
    Beautiful Riverside Park Weddings
    Best Small Wedding Ideas
    Best Wedding Dates For Outdoor Weddings In Wichita Kansas
    Best Wedding Deals In Wichita KS
    Big Weddings
    Big White Wedding
    Blended Family Weddings
    Budget Elopements
    Budget Friendly Weddings
    Casual
    Casual And Fun Elopements With Pets
    Casual No Hassel Elopements
    Ceremony Planning
    Ceremony Planning Tips
    Choosing Your Wedding Date
    Choosing Your Wedding Month
    Christmas Time Elopements
    Christmas Time Home Weddings
    Christmas Time Small Weddings
    Christmas Time Weddings
    Creative Bride
    Current Elopement Special
    Cute Wedding Wagon For Babies
    Cute Wedding Wagon For Pets
    DIY Wedding Ideas
    DIY Wedding Planning
    Easy Outdoor Decorations
    Elope In Wichita Kansas
    Elopements
    Elopements And Mini Weddings
    Elopements In Wichita KS
    Elopement Special
    Elopement Venues
    Encore Weddings
    Fall Elopements
    Fall Mini Wedding Specials
    Fall Wedding Ideas Wichita KS
    Fall Wedding Venue Ideas
    Fast And Affordable Weddings
    Garden Weddings
    Hassel Free Elopements
    Hassle Free Elopements
    Holiday Elopement Specials
    Holiday Elopement Venues
    Home Wedding Ideas
    Home Weddings
    How To Choose A Wedding Officiant
    How To Choose The One That's Right For You.
    Indoor Park Wedding Venues Under $300
    Indoor Wedding Venues
    January's Race For The Wedding Date
    Just Marry Us Elopement
    Just Marry Us Elopements
    Kansas Brides
    Kansas Wedding Officiants
    Kansas Wedding Trends
    Kansas-wedding-trends
    Landmark Elopements
    Live Jazz Trio Live Music
    Live Wedding Ceremony Music
    Live Wedding Guitarist
    Live Wedding Harpist
    Live Wichita String Quartet
    Low Cost Wedding Ideas
    Low Cost Weddings
    Low Cost Wedding Venues
    Mini Gazebo Elopements
    Most Affordable Wedding Ideas
    Most Affordable Weddings
    Officiant Services Wichita KS
    Off Season Weddings
    Outdoor Elopements
    Out Of Town Elopements
    Park Weddings
    Park Weddings For South Central Kansas
    Patio Weddings
    Peak Season Weddings
    Pet Friendly Elopement
    Pet Friendly Micro Wedding
    Pet Friendly Wedding
    Planning Tips
    Quick Elopements
    Quinceanera Ceremony Services
    Real Love Vs. Infatuation
    Recession Proof Wedding Ideas
    Recession-Proof Wedding Ideas
    Relaxed
    Riverside Elopements
    Riverside Sunset Weddings In Wichita KS
    Riverside Weddings
    Senior Encore Weddings
    Simply Sweet Little Elopements
    Small Wedding Budgets
    Small Wedding Venue Menu
    Small Wedding Venue Search Made Easy.
    Small Wedding Venues In Wichita KS
    Spring-wedding-ideas
    Spring Wedding Ideas For Wichita KS
    Stress Free Elopements
    Sub Peak Wedding Season
    Sunset Elopements
    Sunset Elopements In Derby KS
    Sunset Weddings In Wichita Kansas
    Sunset Wedding Venues
    The Mini Gazebo Elopement
    Tips
    Unity Ceremony Accessory
    Unity Ceremony Ideas
    Unity In Glass
    Valentine Wedding Ideas
    Waterfront Weddings
    Wedding Ceremony
    Wedding Gift Unity In Glass
    Wedding Ideas For Wichita KS
    Wedding Ministers
    Wedding Officiant
    Wedding Officiant In Wichita Kansas
    Wedding Officiants
    Wedding Party Line Up
    Wedding Party Rehearsal
    Wedding Party Tips
    Wedding Planning Tips
    Wedding Rehearsal Considerations
    Wedding Rehearsal Tips
    Weddings In Wichita Kansas
    Weddings Under $500 In Wichita KS
    Wedding Venues
    Wedding Venues For Small Weddings
    Wedding Venues Under $300
    Wedding Venues Under $500 In Wichita KS
    Wedding Weather By Month
    Wedding Wisdom Tips
    What Are Wedding Vows?
    When To Book A Wedding Officiant
    Where To Elope In Wichita Kansas
    Where To Get Married In Wichita Kansas
    Where To Have Outdoor Wedding In Wichita KS
    Where To Start? Christmas Engagements.
    Whimsical Elopements
    Wichita
    Wichita Bride
    Wichita Kansas
    Wichita Kansas Wedding Officiants
    Wichita Kansas Wedding Officiants
    Wichita-Kansas-Wedding-Officiants
    Wichita Kansas Wedding Venues
    Wichita KS
    Wichita KS Garden Wedding Venues
    Wichita KS Wedding Trends
    Wichita KS Wedding Venues
    Wichita Wedding Officiants
    Wichita Weddings
    Wichita Wedding Trends
    Wichita Wedding Vendors
    Winter Elopement Packages
    Winter Weddings
    You Just Got Engaged. Now

    Archives

    July 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    May 2021
    March 2021
    October 2020
    July 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    March 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    February 2017
    November 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    October 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    August 2014
    January 2014

Copyright © 2009 -23
​ All Rights Reserved Life's Precious Vows  I PreciousVows.com
I Precious Vows Ceremonies Wedding Blog, Precious Vows Elopements I Precious Vows Ceremonies
All material on this site is protected under the copyright laws of the United States for the express protection of their creators.
PreciousVows TM
 
Common Law Copyright © 2000-2023  All Rights Reserved.
Without Prejudice and Without Recourse
LEGAL NOTICE:  Scraping Notice: By accessing/using this website, be it Human, AI,or Bot,, Agency / Responsible Party/Parties  or Otherwise, You Agree To and Are Legally 
Bound by the Terms and Conditions Set Forth.
Read Carefully: If you do not agree to / with the Terms and Conditions Do Not Access/Use this website.


Terms of Service and Conditions
Privacy Policy
Sitemap
Contact
  • Precious Vows Ceremonies
  • Brides Chamber Login
    • The Groom's Blog
    • Share Your Review
  • How It Works
    • Select Your Guest List
    • Request A Chat To Check Date Availability
    • Reservation Form
    • Meet Our Happy Couples
    • Officiant Services >
      • Wedding Officiants Blog
      • Meet the Wedding Ministers by Appointment
  • Wedding Options
    • Where to Elope >
      • Affordable Wedding Venues
      • Small Wedding Venues
      • Weekend Elopement Getaways
      • Hassle Free Elopements & Small Weddings >
        • Current Wedding Specials
      • Open Prairie Barn Weddings
  • Wichita Wedding Blog
    • Wedding Wisdom Blog
    • Prepare for Marriage Blog
  • Family Values Blog
    • Blended Family Marriage Blog
    • Blended Family Weddings
    • Helpful Family Resources
  • God's Armor Protecting Your Marriage
    • Worship - Bible Studies >
      • Covid Concerns